Force… Part 1

 

If you read my Previous post “Decosta Ave” and this post, you will clearly see how much can change in a matter of hours.

July 11th 2018, The last time I logged onto Justine’s Journal, I made a plan and set a goal for myself. My Papa’s youngest brother my Tito Bong handed me the keys to his apartment for one month. Having been nomatic for the past 7 months it was nice to plant my roots down.

July 12th Midnight was when my uncle and his family flight left to go back home to the philippines. Here I am in M Terrace. No Roommate, No dogs, No distractions. I took out the MacBook along with high lighters and sticky notes. Regularly being an organized mess I was in need to structure my thoughts and goals on something easier to follow.

Here it was all on paper, The Online classes I had to finish, along with my Intuitive Programs that I started. My goal at the end of that 4 weeks was to become more knowledgeable on Nuero Linguistic Programing, Speak Basic beginners  Brazilian Portueges, and be more confident in my Intuitive and Mediumship readings. I was pumped and ready to go. The momentum inside me was coming out of every pore.

Just finishing the list of my goals, I commenced onto my Intuitive Course. Diving deep into Spirutal learning it commenly starts with a prayer or meditation of some sort.

Laying down with selenite crystals in each hand I start the guided meditaion.

“Now that you are grounded and centered Please write down on your notebook What word comes to mind”

FORCE.

I open my eyes and grab my notebook

My phone starts to vibrate and its my cousin Ira, I didn’t want to answer it because I thought she would ask me about hair products, continuing a conversation from earlier. I fliped my phone around and it kept going. Something told me to just pick it up and take it.

“Hey Ira whats up”

“Tin where are you?”

“Here at To Bongs  whats up?”

“Tin your papa passed”

My heart sank and I felt a heaviness on my chest 4.5 years of being in a vegitated state, the heartbreaking sounds of being told I couldn’t see papa is now over.

“Have you told my sibling yet?”

“No I haven’t”

We hung up and I rushed to call Mike my oldest brother. He wasn’t answering his phone, I called his wife and she wasn’t answering either. Crying and barely able to move I called Dondi my other brother.

“Dondi Where are you”

“Im driving to the girls Dance recitle”

My voice is shaking

“Can you please pull over”

“ok, I did, Whats happening”

“Dondi Papa Died”

Dondi takes a deep breath sigh

“Tin, Papa isn’t suffering anymore. Everything you do now you have to do it to make him proud. We have to stay closer than every, and thats all papa wanted was for us siblings to stick together. I love you”

We shared tears and hung up.

Dondi and Papa always had a weird but very special relationship. I think its cause they are very a like. There was a time in my life where Dondi didn’t speak to my dad for a while, a few years. For Good reason on Dondi’s part, though it was a hard time for us as a family It did change my dad in a good way. He became a better version of himself and an even better dad, more proactive and aware.

More distraught then before I try to call Mike and his wife again and they asnwered.  I told them them about papa and thankfuly Mike had Xy to help him go through this.  She has been such an amazing gift to my brother, and with Baby Sam and Sab now in the picture. Seeing my brother becoming a father made me appriciate papa even more. The Anixety of having a child and doing your best keeping them alive and with someone like my papa, reminding us how important vitamins are. I think Mike feels closer to papa now than he has in a while. Being a Palencia Dad isn’t easy, and Papa always told Mike, you have to make sure that your generation is better than the one before. I can’t imagine what Mike was feeling, he spent the most years with papa.

I called my mama and broke the news to her. I think the past 4.5 years has done more on my mom than it has done to my siblings and I. With the hurtful words used by a few of her ex -in laws towards her children I dont blame her. One of the worst things you can do to someone is hurt their child. Like me, My mom has such an amazing support system, Her side of the family has always been there for me and my siblings, and in different ways from my fathers side since they lived future it was always an occasion when we were around them. I never felt judged or pressured by them, thought it could well be just in my head. I never got the vibe that I needed to impress them, and with having people like that around her, it was a really blessing for my siblings and I to know that she had her people.

Now it was time to call Golda

The phones ringing and I havent spoken to Golda in months.

Crying so hard she couldn’t speak my sister and I on facetime just staring at eachother.

“You better not fight with me ever again, we have to stick together” was what my sister said to me.

Golda and I, we stopped speaking for a couple months. My sistier Golda was mad at me for reconnecting with an Aunt who had alot of giving power to my dads wife. This aunt was a second mom to Golda and when Golda asked her to help us have rights to papa she did the opposite and signed our rights away. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she did what she did without the excuse “she is the legal wife” and also be there for her as a niece because of the recent loss in her life. Golda wasn’t ok with that, which later realized Golda was right and I was very wrong.

Throughtout calling my siblings I called and text my partner Katherine, I probably called her and texted her over 30 times. Shes not one to respond slow, let alone over an hour. Oddly enough she got out of work early and got the earlier Yoga class.

I wanted kathy to pick up her phone, I needed her voice to sooth me, but mainly fill the silence that was my new reality. In that hour I felt numb, any bit of Motivation I had was gone. I grabbed my notebook and wrote

Force.

Papa died.

Soon enough my phone was blowing up with family and friends giving me their condolence.

There were rumors about my siblings and I, saying things as horrible as us wanting to pull the plug on papa, because of what we might get. To those foolish enough to believe, they’re very sadly mistaken.

I didn’t want Papa to suffer on that hospital bed, but I didn’t want him to pass away either. I knew, when papa passed it would bring up the question of. Where will he be put to rest. The question that made my siblings and I realized what family should and shouldn’t look like.

To be continued…

 

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